You forgot to mention...

When I became pregnant I was filled with misconceived notions about what the next several months of my life would be like. Here are some of the lies I was told:

1. Pregnancy is 9 months long

FALSE. Pregnancy is ten long difficult exhausting months long.

2. Morning sickness only lasts for the first three months.

This is a two part lie. First off, morning sickness lasts all day. All freaking day long, and it can get worse in the evening, just when you are laying down in bed. And there is no magical switch that turns the sickness off at three months. The only magical switch I found came in the form of a prescription suppository my OB gave me. Sound awful? IT IS!! But it's the truth!

3. Pregnant women glow.

It's not a glow so much as sweat beading off of a bloated red face. There is no glow.

4. Sex is amazing when you are pregnant.

No. It's. Not.

Sex is exactly the same until you are so big you can't see your feet and then sex is awful. For your partner too.

Ok, so this might seem a little scary, so I will say this (which I knew but I didn't know):

EVERY PERSON HAS A DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE.

You got that, Judgy McJudgerson? Before you give me the runaround of your perfect pregnancy and how you hiked to the top of some mountain, competed in a tri-athalon, cooked a five course meal and had the best sex ever until the day you delivered, please understand this: I DON'T CARE. My pregnancy was hard. It was scary. And I whined, complained and sat around. It's who I am. And I, who stopped all exercise, gained 65 pounds, lived with my head in the toilet for six months and cried myself to sleep in fits of hormonal insanity, am judging YOU.

You see, I understand that my pregnancy was just that: mine. I have several friends who all had beautiful pregnancies, who say that they never felt better, who may have actually glowed. This was not my experience, and I think that if people are aware of how difficult and trying pregnancy can be, they might be better prepared. And if someone is having a difficult pregnancy, the last thing you should do is regale them with tales of your perfect pregnancy and how you felt you were floating on clouds of happiness each day. They might resent you for it (wink wink). If someone is having a difficult pregnancy, assure them that it is worth it, promise them that it will not last forever, and, in the most dire of cases, offer them a suppository.